Til Death Do Us Part....

Today, I got a BBM asking my views on pre-nups.  It came from one of my friends with whom I attended law school.

So lets first speak on the legal ramifications of pre-nups.  Pre-nuptial Agreements are separation agreements/marital contracts that are created in anticipation of a marriage.  It deals with the marital property in the event of a divorce.  It may also speak to alimony, child custody and child support.  What many outside of the legal world fail to realize is that, a pre-nup may end up being disregarded by the court upon divorce in certain situations.  For instance, if the pre-nup says no alimony, however as a result of the divorce, the dependent spouse will become dependent upon the state (welfare, etc), then the court will mostly like enforce alimony.

Now for me, I joke quite often saying I want a pre-nup, but truly, I struggle with the idea because I feel like it is an action of anticipating divorce.  Why enter into a marriage, which is suppose to last until death, anticipating its demise before death.  I understand that divorce is becoming more and more prominent.  Also, I realize that there are many people out there that marry for the wrong reasons, such as money, instead of love.  However, I feel that if you truly know the person, then you will know that and see that in their personality before you walk down the aisle; and hopefully, that will prevent you from going any further.

I do understand that it is a way to protect your money and all that you spent time investing in and working hard for to afford.  I understand that people with higher salaries are the ones who use it more.  However, like I said before, if you feel the need to protect your money from the person you are suppose to be spending the rest of your life with then why in the hell are you marrying them?  Are they the person for you if you have to protect your assets from them?  Furthermore, if you are so worried about someone of a lesser degree (don't necessarily mean educational degree) taking what you have then have standards and marry someone whom you feel is on your level or close to you.  For instance, I know that having a JD/ESQ can mean having a higher salary than others.  However, I do not need a person to meet my salary.  At the same time, I don't think $20,000 can do it for me either.  Just show me that you are doing something with your life, and that you want better for yourself, and me and you can work!

So basically, I will not necessarily be offended if I am asked to sign a pre-nup (but that man better believe that my JD having azz will scrutinize the hell out of that document); and, I doubt that I will be the one bringing forth the pre-nup!

What do you bring to the table?

So, like I said, It was commenting on someone else's blog which led me to create my own....this post will be a continuation of that comment.  To see what prompted my comment, go here:  http://cynthia-rena.com/wp-blog/?p=17

Basically, one of my frat bruhs started a conversation on twitter, asking this question: 

- #Poll Q: if you asked someone out, they say yes then next day they are wishy washy, are you wrong if you go     w/ someone else who is fixed? 

As he is holding convo about the question with another one of my frat bruhs, he says:  

 ...I should leave her alone cuz she too simple n naiive above all spoiled smh

And its this convo that leads to the blog written at the link above, my comment to that blog, and ultimately, to the creation of this post.  Basically, this post will be a more flushed out version of my comment.....Here we go:

Unfortunately, all females have the good and bad about them.  Everyone is flawed, we just all hope that our good outweighs our bad.  However, in so many females, the bad outweighs the good, and the dudes walk away. Many females are spoiled, whether they are an only child, grandchild or they are the baby of the family, or the only girl, or just because they are a female.  Me, Myself and I...as much as I hate to admit it, was spoiled growing up.  On my mom's side, I am an only child...and an only grandchild.  While I am an only child, it was not my mother who spoiled me, but my grandparents.


I truly believe that being spoiled is not a problem unless you allow this treatment to truly become a part of your personality, as in being a “spoiled brat.” What is even worse, is when females allow the spoiling by their family to jade their outlook on life.  Sorry sweety, you cannot always get what your way in life...whoever told you that you could, LIED TO YOU!  A mature, responsible female realizes this.  I realize that my forthcoming views could be jaded because I was raised by a young, single parent….however, because my mom had me at 18, my grandparents played a big part in raising me and my grandfather gave me a lot and did a lot for me, as a father would. I just truly believe that women need to step up to the plate also. 

There is this widely accepted/stated belief of females that their husband should spoil them.  Now I do understand this belief; I agree with it but then again I do not.  I do not NEED the man I marry to spoil me.  I have a college degree and a J.D., and I will put both of them to work.  Why do females make it a requirement that their husbands spoil them?  Is it because you were spoiled growing up?  because you do not want to work? because you want to be lazy? because you believe that your money is yours and his is both of yours?  My view is that marriage is a two-person partnership.  As such, a partnership should be fair and equitable...while equitable is not always equal, it should be as close to equal as possible.  Maybe my view is furthered by my education.  In the business world, the person who puts the most into the partnership, gets the most return out of it when it is dissolved...Now no one enters into a marriage, anticipating divorce, but still think about it...if the man puts more into the marriage, how would you feel if he walks away with most of it, also?  

But besides that, where many females mess up, is not truly thinking about their beliefs...you believe your HUSBAND should spoil you...but that’s just it, your HUSBAND....has this dude put even an engagement ring on your finger?  A woman should not EXPECT to be spoiled by a dude they are talking to or one who is merely their boyfriend…how about we let the dude do it on his own recognizance. Furthermore, will you really get a ring on your finger if you make it seem as though they have to do everything by themselves, money-wise?  Especially in an economy like the one we live in, its really hard to expect the male to be the sole provider.  Females need to take a step back and think. What do you bring to the table? If you were to lose the man today, what would you have left? How would you survive?  In general, I feel that women need to evolve with the times. We are no longer in the day when the man HAD to be the provider because the women was not allowed to work, or could not work, and had the sole responsibility of staying at home with the children. 

Do not expect the dude to always pay and provide…share the responsibilities! Do not try to make him spend all of his money while you bank all of yours!  Like really tho, most modern day males do want to see that the female is self-sufficient in some way...I mean there is the constant struggle and confusion that a lot of males display...They do not want the female to be a gold-digger but on the other hand many complain about females being independent....How about we find a median here.  Either way, in an age when divorce is so prominent, females really should be able to do for themselves.

"How Did You Get Here?" (in my Deborah Cox voice)

So, this morning, I was on twitter (follow me @2Legit2Quit_JD lol) having a discussion with two of my followers/people I am following.  One of them went to her blog, and did a post, and I commented on it.  My comment was not short at all.  By the end of it, I decided that I should start a blog!  Soooo here I am!

Basically, I am a 24 year old, God-Fearing African-American Female, Law School Graduate.....Propelled by determination, motivation, I "can't stop, won't stop."  I would like to think that I exude at least some of the characteristics which Wale speaks of in his song "Ambitious Girl" off of his More About Nothing mixtape (check it out if you have not already).  Also, Im a "single, black female, addicted to retail" which is just one of the many reasons why I have to be successful in life!  But, besides having money just to shop, I do have real dreams and goals that I want to attain...I gotta dream big, and "Imma neva let the dream turn to Kreugers" (Kanye's line in Rick Ross' "Live Fast, Die Young")

As with most Black females, I do have an attitude.  Hey, at least I can admit it!  However, once you get to know me, you realize that I really am a nice person, I just refused to be played by anyone, if I can help it.  However, as I have grown and matured, my attitude has diminished more and more.  I would say that now I am just moreso strong-willed and blunt at times.  But through it all, you just have to be able to HANDLE ME!